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Bouts of depression is a common phenomenon. Even very happy persons and great saints have to pass through the tides of depression. Static state of anything thing or emotion can be very boring in life. If there is no night how can you enjoy the day? If there is no sorrow in life how can you enjoy fun? So these things are as interrelated as hope and depression. Depression becomes a problem when the period of depression is so long that it starts damaging us physically and mentally. Therefore it is necessary to learn to ride over depression successfully.

If an innocent person is kept in the prison for long he may become emotionally shattered. But if he learns to live there he may be able to come out in a very healthy and enlightened state even after ten or twenty years. See the example of Nelson Mandella and scores of others prisoners who spent the golden years of their life in jail but nothing could break them. In the similar way depression can never break you if you learn to manage it well.

1. TRAKE VIGOROUS EXERCISE

Whenever you are depressed you must make yourself physically active to use the excess energy of your mind. Feeling of depression releases a negative energy in your mind that weakens your enthusiasm and hope regarding life and work. It also weakens the immune system of your body making it a breeding ground of many diseases. This energy can best be used by some vigorous physical exercise. Do the exercise you like. You may play music or your favourite songs along with it.

2. WANDER WITHOUT AIM

Another way to use the negative energy and divert your mind is to wander aimlessly any where. Sit in any local bus or train and go to any direction. Roam in the markets. Sit in any restaurant and eat or drink anything you want. Don’t return to home till you are absolutely tired. Be sure that your wallet contains some money.

3. EXPRESS TO A CLOSE FRIEND

Discuss your problems to a close friend. Whatever is there in your heart try to bring it out. Sharing a problem to a close friend loses the intensity of negative force. Good friends are able to bring you out of depression. They understand your psychology and your problems. They may come up with some good ideas to help you face your depression in a positive way.

4. TRY TO WRITE RUBBISH

Switch on your computer, create a personal file with a password and start writing your feelings. Express the actual feeling, don’t hide anything. With a friend you have to be cautious sometimes so that you don’t annoy him even unintentionally. But you can pour out your whole heart to the computer and it will never get angry or tired. When you are able to shed away some of your repressed feelings you will feel somewhat relieved.

5. BEGINNING OF A NEW IDEA

Never think that every wave of depression is harmful. Sometimes it is the beginning of a big idea or creation. Your mind is busy in finding or creating something new and marvellous. When that period passes the depression starts melting. Your mind starts creating something fantastic which brings new zest and hope. So have confidence that something much better will happen after the tide of depression.

Anandrahi

(Prominent international Writer, Editor and Teacher)
He has trained thousands of persons to get great jobs, improve personality and achieve goals in business.

CEO: News of India Network
Director: LSE-India (for Communication
Skills and Personality Development)
Editor: Winners’ Delhi News.

Hot-selling Books written by Anandrahi:
1. Fire of Success in Your Mind, 2. Think Your Way to Wealth and Power , 3. Speak English and Influence People, 4. How to Become Rich Like Bill Gates, 5. Internet Business - Your Guide to Super Success
(to buy a book write an email).

emails: anandrahi@newsofindia.net
anandrahi@yahoo.co.in

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Title: Why Do People Lie? Author: Margaret Paul, Ph.D. E-mail:
mailto:margaret@innerbonding.com Copyright: © 2005 by Margaret
Paul URL: http://www.innerbonding.com Word Count: 728 Category:
Relationships

Why Do People lie? Margaret Paul, Ph.D.

Amanda and Ron had been married for six years and had two small
children. I had counseled them during some difficult times in
their marriage, but had not heard from them for a while. Then
Amanda scheduled an emergency phone session with me. She was
very upset.

“I just found out that Ron’s been watching porno on the Internet
and lying to me about it. I had thought this was going on a
couple of weeks ago because of a site I found on the computer,
but when I asked him about it, he denied it and explained it
away. He is not too computer savvy - he doesn’t know how to
delete the sites - and today I found a number of sites he has
visited. I can’t believe this! I’m very upset about the porno,
but I’m devastated that he lied to me! I feel like the trust has
gone out of our marriage, and without trust, what do we have?
Why did he lie to me?”

“Amanda, how would you have responded if he had told you the
truth?”

“I would have been really upset and disappointed in him. I
probably would have gotten angry. We have a good sex life, so
why is he using porno?”

“Well, he lied to you because he knew that this is the way you
would have reacted. His lying is his way of controlling your
reactions, and your anger is your way of controlling his
behavior. As long as you get angry when you hear the truth, the
chances are he will lie to you. As your children get older,
they, too, will lie to you to avoid your anger and judgment. It
takes a very strong person to tell the truth and deal with
another’s anger and judgment, and Ron is not that strong. He is
very afraid of your anger and judgment and will do anything to
avoid it, including lying.”

“Are you saying it’s okay for him to lie to me?”

“No, I’m not saying it’s okay or not okay. I’m not making a
value judgment about it. You asked why he’s lying and I’m
telling you why. Lying is just another form of protection
against pain, just as your anger is a form of protection against
pain.”

“So what do I do? How do I deal with this?”

“Amanda, you need to shift your intention from trying to control
him to being open to learning about what is behind his behavior.
>From his point of view, there are some important reasons why he
is using porno, and why he is lying about it. Trying to control
him will only result in more lying and resistance, but wanting
to learn can result in understanding and resolution. You need to
approach him with caring and a desire to learn rather than with
anger and judgment - about both the porno and the lying. You
would need to say something like, ‘Ron, I know that you have
been going to porno sites on the Internet. Please don’t lie
about it anymore. I know there must be some good reasons you are
doing this and I really want to understand what it’s about for
you.’ However, you have to be aware that the words themselves
are less important than the intent behind them. If you say these
same words with anger and judgment, he will be defensive. Don’t
ask until you feel genuinely open and caring.”

Lying is always a form of control. Some people are pathological
liars, having learned that they get a rush from manipulating
others with lies. But most people lie when they are afraid of
the consequences of telling the truth. Lying may be one end of a
relationship system, with anger and judgment on the other end.
Whether the relationship is a primary one between mates or
between parents and children, or a relationship between friends
or between co-workers, lying may be a part of it when fear of
anger and judgment is an issue. Most people do not know how to
handle another’s anger and judgment and may revert to being the
child they were when they learned to lie to their parents to
avoid punishment.

If you want to trust that people are not going to lie to you,
then you need to shift your intention in your relationships from
controlling to learning.

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